Dear all,

I had been lusting after the new e-readers for some time. Who wouldn't? Very easy-to-read screens, very portable, and a way to read books wherever you go. I told Eli that my desires were simple: I wanted something that could directly read .HTML, .PDF, that could purchase e-books, and that was not a Kindle. (I am very hesitant to buy a Kindle after Amazon twice proved that they would remove books remotely from people's machines.)

I was expecting a Sony e-Reader. Santa (in the form of my wife) brought me something both unexpected, but welcome: An HP mini subnotebook. After a few minutes' thought, I realized that she got me something much better than I had originally desired.

This subnotebook emphatically reads .HTML and .PDF out of the box. Many companies make software that lets this little machine read e-books. So, like the best e-book readers, I can download books wirelessly. Therefore, it does everything that an e-book reader does (with a less-easy-to-read screen and no two-week battery life)

...but it's a lot more flexible. In particular, every week, when I go to Arabic class, I needed to bring my notebook Macintosh with me, for a vocabulary program. No longer; the program will work perfectly on this little machine. It's a lot easier to put copies of websites onto this machine.

And I can write simple blog posts from it. Posts, like this one.

Thank you, Eli. Oops! I mean, Santa.

Take care, all.

LOL drag queens kick ass :p



By the same "artist": (obligatory furry reference)

R. Lee Ermey makes teddybears smile :)

Here's an old joke (long story) that my Mom Emailed me a couple of years ago.  I hope folks enjoy!




As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose
on his fireplace the night before Christmas.
He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice
must be true because every Christmas morning,
although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowing,
his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true.
I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll.
They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart.
I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store,
don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. 
 
I was there an hour saying things like,
"What does this do?"
"You're kidding me!"
"Who would buy that?"

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a
standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my
truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different
models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable
Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll"
took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve,
with the help of an old bicycle pump,
Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning
hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose
with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what
remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home and giggled for a
couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house
and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog
confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some
more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest
of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
My dad quickly explained, "It's a doll!"

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several
candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny
continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her
into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any
teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one
wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang
on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and
said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's
friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to
Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we
realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who
was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that
sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she
lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap
in front of the sofa. The cat screamed.  I passed cranberry sauce through my
nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began
administering mouth to mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell out of his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin,
stomped out of the house, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later, in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough
examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse.
We discovered that Louise had suffered from
a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape,
we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party videos.

I think Grandpa still calls her.

Here's wishing everyone who reads this a Merry Christmas.


( Let's not forget the REAL meaning of Christmas... )

      Here's wishing everyone a Very Merry Christmas, and all the best in 2010!

      It's five minutes to midnight here, and Trixstir and I have just finished the last of the wrapping.  That's what happens when you leave it until Christmas Eve to even get started!  What a crazy year it's been; I've never seen a year shoot by so quickly!

     We made a quick trip to town today to check the mailbox, and to see if my order from Sears had arrived.  Turns out it did arrive a couple of days ago, but they used my old phone-number (from Calgary) as the tracking number, and the clerk didn't bother to check by name, so she didn't see it.  Today however, she did check by name, and there it was!  Yay!  Also got a nice suprise in the mail from Enmax; The lady I spoke with last week was true to her word, and the refund cheque arrived today!  Double-Yay!  :)

      We had our little feast of perogies with the heavy mushroom/cream sauce, and as usual I spent the next hour or so moaning and groaning as it sat upon my stomach like a lead balloon!  It's delicious, but it's so rich and heavy that it's a bit hard on the stomach.  I'll have to post the recipe (it's very simple!) a little later on.

      We also watched the original "How The Grinch Stole Christmas", and then "Shrek The Halls" before sending the Kidling off to bed so we could finish wrapping.  There's not as much under the tree this year, but we're all together, healthy, happy, and a little too well-fed!  No complaints here...  :)

Say, this promises to be a great present, once I get to unwrap it!




Alpha-feggin-numeric.

Merry Christmas to all my wonderful friends here on LJ. I hope that Santa treats you well. I wish you all the best in the New Year of 2010.

So today, my younger sister was visiting. She'd actually stayed the night at the hotel, but the sum extent of me seeing her consisted of saying 'hi' at the train station and then a few minutes chatting with a somewhat tipsy sibling on her way to her room last night.

This morning, however, we had breakfast with my Aunt Kathy and her husband. Good times were had. I'd initially hoped to have breakfast at Cafe Italia, which has mediocre italian food, but a breakfast that is sublime. Sadly, they were closed, so we popped over to Black Bear Diner. This is a very good place to eat, especially if one is hungry. They will *feed* you there. Even the 'small' dishes are presented on entree-size platters. My pancakes were the size of most place's dishes!

Good chat was had, as I haven't seen Aunt Kathy in ages. She's looking more and more like Gran'ma as time goes on, which has my sisters somewhat nervous as they look a lot like she used to. Family business on all sides was caught up on, with a general agreement that we really do need to keep in touch better. Christmas cookies were given, and all went on their way.

Good times. Tomorrow is to be spent with family again for christmas.

Eli and I are in Los Angeles, visiting Eli's mom. Eli's mom, Ms. Harvey, is in her nineties, living on her own.

We arrived at nine o'clock in the evening, to find Ms. Harvey asleep in bed.

"Oh, hello, honey.", she said. "I don't know what came over me...

"I was cleaning, and there was an awful stain in the bathroom. So I poured some ammonia --"

The first step... I thought

"-- into a bottle. And you know that other cleaning fluid I use? Well, I set that to heating --"

Heating?

"-- and added it to the bottle."

Oh, crap.

"And next thing I knew there was just this little bit," holding two fingers close together, "left in the bottle and this awful smell. I had to open all the windows and all the doors and something came over me. I went to bed fully dressed."

Congratulations, mom. You've discovered mustard gas.

I don't have Internet access, or a good medical book here, but --

1. She is NOT coughing or complaining of shortness of breath.
2. She is up, about, and walking at her usual (slow) pace.

Therefore, my best guess is that she's fine.

Take care, all.

I didn't set this up.  I walked into my bedroom and found one of my plush bunnies at the foot of the bed, peeking out the window.  I took a few photos.


Dark version


Light version


I think I prefer the dark version better (it's more moody) but my SO prefers the light version (it's clearer).

TMI TMI TMI

I was waiting for my partner to buzz in downstairs, but I really had to pee. So I dashed to the bathroom to piss real quick. My mouth was hanging open, because I was panting after running upstairs.

And as I'm hurredly shaking it off, a big dollop of pee goes RIGHT INTO MY MOUTH.

OMG!! :x

But actually, I learned something. My piss tastes better than Coke Zero. I should start bottling it!

First and foremost, saw Avatar with the roomies on Monday.  Instead of the usual five bucks, it was eight because it was in 3-D.  Worth every penny.  Avatar was fucking spectacular, eye candy I hadn't seen since Starship Troopers.  Cameron wove a rich tapestry of creative sci-fi that blew me away.  It takes a lot for a Hollyweird movie to impress this teddybear, and this flick hit the spot.  I MUST see it again!

The mood was killed afterward, though, when I confronted a teenager who wouldn't shut up during the flick.  I was nice, calm, cool, collected, and he accepted the admonishment with grace.  I got back in the truck with my buds and began the drive back.  Upon passing him and his crew, I tipped my hat and said "thanks for listening".  A girl in the group told me to "Fuck off, dude", at which point I lost control.  I stopped the truck, got out, and ran up to him (should have run up to the girl), screaming in his face.  Panger got between us, and another motorist said he'd called 911.  I got back into my truck and drove off.  It ruined the rest of the evening because I was ashamed for losing control like that.  Forty-nine times out of fifty, I can keep my cool; that just happened to be the fiftieth.

Last night I did some cleaning of the den, organizing and putting away some of our Craigslist booty.  I need to add a vaccuum to our list.  Watched G-force on DVD with Fire, fun cubby flick if you're in the mood for that kind of thing.  Special agent guinea pigs FTW! :p

I'm kind of ambivalent about the group therapy I am participating in.  I swear I feel like I'm in sixth grade again.  Most of the concepts being taught to us, I've already known for months, if not years.  I have already gone through most of the exercises and introspection outlined in the papers and charts.  In comparing myself to the others in the group, I find myself likely the higher functioning, though that could just be the narcissist in me.  There is still no question of my need to be there.  I just wish we weren't coddled and had more of a kickass drill-instructer atmosphere to it.

I went for labs (bloodwork) this afternoon, only to get to the lobby and realize I'd forgotten my paperwork >.<  Forgetful bear is forgetful.  I had to go home to get it and come back.  Fire Lupine joined me for the ride, and we had lunch afterward.  Had a good practice/recording session, I am approaching the time when I am ready to lay some real tracks.

This evening myself and Fire helped Fox and Teddy unload some firewood for the new shop.  They installed a high efficiency wood stove in the shop since the gas line had been disconnected at some unknown point in the past.  So we won't need for warmth.

Finally, I have re-started my artistic woodburning, getting in a little practice on Chirstmas presents. 

       Another busy day, catching up on things that should have been done long ago, but at least they are done now.   The main things today were: Clearing the last of the odds-and-ends out of the Living Room, installing the blinds on the Living Room window, and installing a cat-door on the Master Bedroom door.

      I had to go into town today because there was supposed to be a package for me at Sears, but the clerk said there wasn't anything, even though the computer said there was.  They're expecting a truck tomorrow, so hopefully the stuff I'm waiting for will be on it.  :/   I also had to go in because Trixstir forgot that today was the day that the Pepsi driver was supposed to make a delivery at the bowling-alley.  Due to the heavy snowfall warning in effect for the area, we hadn't planned to open the alley today, and it was only at the last minute that Trixstir remembered the delivery!

      Since the Explorer is currently the only vehicle with proper snow-tires, I headed in to meet the driver.  He wasn't there when I arrived, so I kept myself busy shovelling the sidewalk.  We had purchased a small electric single-stage snow-thrower for this task, but it turns out that the thing is a lot smaller than the box makes it look, and it's essentially useless.  No question, it's going back to the store.  Why anyone would even bother marketing such a device is beyond me.  We pretty much have to stick with an electric machine because there's no place at the bowling alley that we can safely store a gasoline-powered machine; the only place with enough room is the furnace room, and only a complete idiot would put a gasoline-powered machine next to a furnace.  :/

      The Pepsi driver arrived just as I was finishing the sidewalk, and as he brought the product into the bowling alley it dawned on me that Trixstir had the company cheque-book back at the house!  Fortuntely, the Credit Union is only a couple blocks away and I was able to just get the cash to pay for the order.  Pepsi is definitely screwing us over though; We pay $32 for a case of 24 710ml bottles.  Plus tax, plus deposit, plus eco-fee.  The last three are kind of a moot point, those have to be paid regardless of where you buy the product.  But...  $32 for a case of 24?!  I can go to Wal-Mart, and at full retail price I can get 24 710ml bottles for under $16 !!!  Now granted, Wal-Mart has a lot more buying power, but that's rediculous!  If Pepsi won't cut us a better deal I'm going to see about switching over to Coca-Cola (providing we can get a better deal from Coke.)

      I got back home around 5:30pm, which is when we got the Hunter-Douglas blinds put up, and the cat-door installed for Ginger.  I still didn't get any holiday baking done (doing that tomorrow, for sure!) and the tree isn't even set up yet!  Yeesh...  Ah well, it will be set up in time for Christmas, though this is sure cutting it close.  I remember the story "The Little Fir Tree" though, and it would seem back in the Days of Yore, that the tree wasn't set up until Christmas Eve, and (if it didn't catch fire from the candles and burn the house down) it was tossed out on Boxing Day.  We generally keep ours up until Ukranian Christmas.

      Speaking of which...  I've got the ingredients ready for our traditional Christmas Eve meal:  Perogies, and a heavy mushroom-cream sauce.  We should be serving fish too, but I think I'll pass on that this year.  If Mom were here we'd do it, but apparently Mom's going to Vernon BC to spend Christmas with my cousins, and my brother is going to be in Davidson Saskatchewan of all places!!!  Mom called this evening from Golden BC (Greyhound bus had a rest-stop, I guess) to tell me all this.  I asked her why on Earth a city-boy like my brother would be travelling in this kind of weather to a small prairie town like Davidson, and it seems there's a girl involved!  Oh-ho!!!  ;)  First I've heard of this development, but it must be semi-serious to warrent such a trip.  As I understand it, this is a "meet the parents" kind of thing.  Hmmmm...   Interesting times, to be sure!

      Can't recall if I mentioned it already or not, but we also got the Dining-Room table set up (at last!) as well.  This house really is quite a large place when you get all the boxes cleared out and things set up and put away properly!  The Living Room is a lot bigger than we remembered, and we got our first fire going in the fire-place tonight.  Only real problem was that this one has a heat-exchanger built into it; it draws in cold air from below the hearth, heats it around the fire-box, and then vents it back out through slots in the brick-work above.  Nice, simple system actually.  Except that it's full of Lord-Knows-How-Old dust, and if you think it's bad when the furnace kicks in after being dormant all summer, that's nothing compared to a dusty fire-place heat-exchanger!  I should take the air-compressor to it along with the shop-vac and see if I can't clear it out.  Tomorrow, maybe...  IF I have time after the baking and tree-decorating and gift-wrapping...

I read this morning that the Nebraska corn harvest is only 93% complete as of Sunday.  December 20th, and 7% of the corn is still in the fields!  And with more snow on the way, it's probably going to be well into January before harvest is complete.  This is the latest corn harvest in 37 years!

The NWS is forecasting 8 to 12 inches of snow and winds of 25 to 35 MPH, with higher gusts, so we're gonna have huge snow drifts again.  The drifts from the LAST snow storm two weeks ago are still nearly a foot deep.

The sheep & goats are locked in the barn so they'll stay nice and warm and the front gate is wide open, just in case the guy who plowed our driveway last time comes around again.

I'd forgotten about this holiday, but it seems like a wonderfully absurd way to celebrate the season: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus

So happy Festivus to everyone. Go give someone that old sweater that you simply can't stand because it makes you look like a turnip.